I love a morning exercise session, and I say “exercise” precisely because most of these classes are not about any kind of training. They are about going through the motions, about putting your phone outside of a room and listening to the voice of the teacher. There is a lot of sloppy work in some of these classes that is not corrected, which can border on the dangerous for pilates. No class I’ve been to in the last two years has had these adjustments. There is still a lot to be gained even if you do the entire flow incorrectly – as the teachers often say, showing up on the mat is showing up for yourself. Devoting an hour to your body, your breathing, letting yourself sweat and move, leaving it “all on the floor,” maybe that is just a loving practice all on its own.
Sometimes moving to rhythm is what we need to get to a better headspace in order to stop overeating, overthinking, smoking, drinking, arguing; this is the actual important part of fixing our bad habits. The act of over - anything is bad for our psyches, and causes discomfort in everyday life. Panic at the idea of the next meal, sweet treat time, any stressful phone call, etc. Panic before a deadline, before a difficult conversation, before putting yourself out there.
Pilates as a practice is mostly about control. Cuing a class of thirty people to use the correct muscle groups and breathing practices during an exercise is difficult — they might clearly understand your words and think they are doing the exercise correctly, but taking your own hands and putting them in correct form will instantly fix something they do not know is wrong. It is a generous gift to set someone on a correct path, to hold them purposefully until they are able to adapt for themselves. I do not teach yoga, but I find myself looking around the room a lot to make sure I am correct - with no mirrors, it is hard to judge if your mind’s presentation of the instructor's words have come to a cohesive pose. Yogic adjustments push the student further into the pose than they would be able to push themselves, which gives an almost teaser-like quality to what we will be able to do if we keep working.
Words can only mean so much. Sometimes a student is doing all they are capable of doing, trying their best, and just holding their torso still or lifting their leg slightly higher can instantly shake them out of what they thought was correct. If we are not in the correct form, we are not actually doing the exercises, but we can get better. And maybe getting better isn’t the whole point - maybe moving the carriage back and forth in a stretch that feels good is why you paid the ~$60 to attend a class. But I think that most people would like to think that their practice increases their skill.
Lately I have been thinking about baths a lot. I find water very healing, as I’m sure many do. I love the sound of the running shower, the thought of immersing myself in the tub, or the sea, or the cold plunge at the spa. So I am considering an inflatable bathtub (consider the bathtub) for the floor of my shower. It seems low vibrational, like a kiddie pool, but I need to read and soak at least once a week for my physical and mental wellbeing, and I want to do it naked. I miss being a teenager and having friends with pools whose parents left town a lot. It always meant hours of skinny dipping with my girlfriends. I want to swim naked in the ocean, but I don’t see that happening anytime soon.
Now reading : Come and See by Fanny Howe, then The Return of the Lost Soldier by Rebecca West. I am not really a poetry person but was curious. The Return of the Lost Soldier was short but devastating for anyone who still remembers the first time they fell in love. Rebecca West was HG Wells’ lover and there is a book of their letters to each other. I love collections of letters; they seem to me like a lost art. They are always deeply personal and beautifully written. I want to spend afternoons keeping up with my correspondences at my writing desk instead of walking around hunched over my phone. Instead of just reading the letters though, I started The Meaning of Treason by Rebecca West, but had to pause to look up her Wikipedia because it felt very counterrevolutionary and almost antisemitic as it describes the trial of a Cold War Era spy. This part of her bio made me pause and decide to DNF.
I’m still slowly reading Ulysses, but I can’t read it before bed because I get too befuddled due to my exhausted eyes. But I despise reading multiple books at once. On that same topic, my parents gave me a New Yorker subscription this year and I HATE it. It just piles up and I don’t need 40 copies because my home is not a psychoanalysis clinic. (My analyst’s waiting room does have only old New Yorkers to read, which I find very apt and honestly chic.)
No recipe this week, just my favorite suggestions:
Ottolenghi's Roasted chicken with clementines and arak, a beautiful dish for a dinner party. When I think of this recipe I think of eating chicken drumsticks, which makes me think of newly pregnant Betty Draper coming home from having sex with a stranger in a bar to eat a cold chicken leg out of the fridge. I think that one was fried, but still.
Very Plain but Perfect Salmon: Cut nice salmon into filets, salt them, and lay them flat on a baking sheet lined with foil. Set oven to broil and place the top rack. Cook until the thin pieces are browned, about 10 minutes, depending on your oven and the thickness of the filets. Every time I cook Salmon using a different method I’m disappointed.
Poke Bowls for Dinner: It is almost the season of “what can I make for dinner that will involve not turning on my oven or working over the heat of the stovetop,” of not being able to bear the heat so leaving the kitchen. Did you know that sushi grade fish is just fish that has been flash frozen? Also, the most likely to have parasites is salmon, because of its time in fresh water. Also, poke is like ceviche in that it “cooks” the fish with a marinade. I get frozen tuna, thaw, then marinate in equal parts tamari and rice wine vinegar, with half that amount of sesame oil. Add red pepper flakes and green onion to taste. Serve with cucumber salad, pickled ginger, fresh rice, and baby lettuce mix.
White People Tacos: Cook onion, diced bell peppers, and ground beef with this spice mixture. I often add extra cumin and extra red pepper flakes. Put in tortillas, or just mix with rice and put in a big bowl in the fridge for meal prep. Serve with shredded iceberg, pickled jalapenos, and lime juice.
I have housewife fatigue. I haven’t eaten anything that I did not prepare myself in too long. I also have horrid hay fever; I’ve heard that histamines build up in your body and once your “bucket” is full you start reacting to everything. A dermatologist once dragged the slightly rough wooden edge of a swab against my skin and diagnosed me as “highly allergic” when I went in to ask about regular hives / rashes that I get. If I had no budget I would expeditiously acquire:
1 lb of Nettle Tea from Mountain Rose Herbs
Serrapeptase from Mary Ruth Organics
Quercetin from Pure Encapsulations
Lithospheric Vitamin C from LivON
I would also get Allergena (Zone specific) and go back in time to start taking it daily in March. It is meant to be an inoculation against the specific pollen in your area.
I hope no one else has hay fever, I hope your buckets are not full, I hope you are eating delicious dinners with sharp, light wines. <3