Feeling Bilious
Two trips, some bruises, and "Detoxing"
“Bilious” is a word I’ve only read, never heard aloud. I think it is somewhat out of fashion now, or maybe Americans have corrupted it out of the English Language. I’ve read it applied to hangovers, but mostly overeating, and especially in the works of MFK Fisher.
“I sat in the gradually chilling room, thinking of my whole past the way a drowning man is supposed to, and it seemed part of the present, part of the gray cold and the beggar woman without a face and the moulting birds frozen to their own filth in the Orangerie. I know now I was in the throes of some small glandular crisis, a sublimated bilious attack, a flick from the whip of melancholia, but then it was terrifying...nameless....”
A sublimated bilious attack… how beautiful. It was in the afternoon on Tuesday when I realized I was in the throes of a bilious attack that I had tried, but failed, to sublimate. I went on a trip over the weekend that was busy and stressful… TO ME. To a more balanced person, maybe this would have been an easy and not at all stressful trip. But just being away from my home puts me under duress, and when coupled with a strange bedroom with low light and windows that don’t open, I find I am in dire straits. I returned home on Sunday evening with great relief, but a somewhat sharp and throbbing pain in my belly. My small glandular crisis commences.
Pain in the belly is difficult. Just the word “belly” is odd. Admitting that you have issues in that arena is embarrassing and difficult to confront in a Fruedian way. I let it linger (did I have to) until Tuesday morning. I tried to read Libra in the loud and horrible waiting room while actually just listening to Sherri Shepherd lecture Chelsea Handler about not washing her legs. Sherri Shepherd wants to stress the importance of using a washcloth with soap on your legs, and washing between your toes, because of bacteria. She said if you would like to be humbled, use a WHITE WASHCLOTH. I have never in my life been humbled by a white washcloth on my legs, but maybe I’m built different. The nurses had trouble getting a line into my vein (they always do). I got a cat scan to rule out appendicitis. They told me I had an inflamed gallbladder and might need surgery, but after an ultrasound they found no gallstones and let me leave.
The gallbladder is in charge of bile production, working jointly with the liver. A weak liver is said to press against the gallbladder. If one is weak, it also strains the other. Anxiety manifests when the liver is weak, and indecision and fear manifests when the gallbladder is weak. A bilious attack, while digestive in origin, can result in prolonged fear. Do I even need to say that I am always afraid? In TCM, all meridians connect.
When MFK Fisher writes about feeling bilious, it is the result of over indulging, of too much rich food and good wine. An ailment that comes from joy is very different from one that comes from stress, even if they both result in a bilious attack. I wish I had a hangover instead of being so afraid that I inflame my own insides with the power of my mind.
So, it all comes down to detoxing. Put the castor oil pack on your belly. Drink the epsom salts. Do an olive oil and lemon juice shot. “Detoxing” when referring to your diet is a very nebulous term, one I enjoy as a hobby but don’t fully trust as a real thing. Detox Salad. Detox Soup. Detox tea … Anyways, here are some of the recipes I am making as I wait patiently (not) for an appointment with my PCP to diagnose me, to ease my inflammation. I can be generally unwell – a bad characteristic that I don’t want to fall victim to. So now I am detoxing, I guess.
Detox Soup
Full head of broccoli
2 lemons
Half an onion or shallot
3-5 garlic cloves
1 tbsp Olive oil
3 cups Bone Broth
2 cups of arugula
Salt and Pepper to taste
Heat Olive oil in a stock pot. Add minced garlic, shallot / onion, and the zest of both lemons. Stir until fragrant. Add chopped broccoli and a pinch of salt and continue sauteeing until cooked through. Add the Bone Broth and boil for 5 minutes. Add the juice of both lemons, pepper, and the arugula. Remove from heat and blend until smooth. Serve with extra pepper.
Detox for the Soul
This is the perfect early dinner for when you are sick of cooking and maybe a little burnt out, aka in need of B Vitamins.
1-2 tbsp ghee or coconut oil (you can use other oils but these will give you a rich flavor that most other oils lack)
1 scant cup popcorn kernels
4 tbsp nutritional yeast
Salt to taste
In a stock pot with a tight fitting lid (I recommend something steel, as a dutch oven will be a little too heavy to get a good shake on), heat the oil / ghee on high until shimmering. Add the popcorn kernels and cover. Hold the lid and shake to evenly coat and disperse the fat and kernels. You will start to hear popping soon. Shake frequently. Turn off the heat once the popping dies down. If you can hear a pop and count to three before hearing another, it's ready. Grab a large bowl and pour the popped corn in, adding salt and nutritional yeast as you go. Enjoy while watching something stupid.
Detox Tea
Large Mason Jar or Tea Pot
4 Cups Boiling Water
1 inch peeled and grated ginger
1 tbsp dried hibiscus / sorrel
2 Spearmint tea bags
1 Roasted Dandelion Root tea bag
Boil water. Add ginger, hibiscus, and tea bags to your vessel. Pour boiling water over and let steep for ten minutes. Drink slowly over the course of an afternoon, adding warm water to the elixir as needed. Do not drink below room temp. Ice water and cold water are poison on your digestive fire.
I’m still trying to finish Libra. On the plane I read Munro’s “Too Much Happiness,” which I adored, especially the title story about the Mathematician. My Father and brother are mathematicians, in their own way. Blaming her daughter for her molestation be damned, the woman can write!! Sorry. It’s awful. I’m disgusted. But her characters are complex enough that it doesn’t seem to surprise me. She writes love and companionship so honestly.
